Bluetifa’s Laburnum

Finally, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief after getting my A’lvl results. Even though I scored way below the average, I was still able to achieve the bear minimal for uni entry. Truth be told, the chances of me getting into any course with my current marks is almost zero. However I was able to find hope, which will be the course in digital animation. In contrast with many, I choose this course as I am really in love with digital animation. I really gave all I have into the admission portfolio, all the sweat, blood and countless sleepless nights. I really hope to get admitted into this course despite having to compete with as many as 3000 other individuals. Yes, my sprits are not high and hope held at a manageable level. At the very least held at a height that prevents it from scattering into a million thousand invisible dust particles when dealt with cruel rejection.

I have decided to work as I prepare for my cosplay materials during this coming week. I will then have to loose 4-5 kg within this given two months so as to be as slim as the actual character. Ok…… giving up on snacks is one thing, I also need to work in order to support my expenses for cosplay and phne bills as well…. Haiz…. Life is a pain when u experience such stuff. A real pain……  looking on the bright side of things….. No pain no gain right?

Life…. a mystery as it is, never clear or smooth is drawing to a close for me.. my blade..however hard i cut thru the darkness before me did not seem to help open up a lining or create a crack that may allow a slight ray of light to enter. What seem like an endless journey of battle has now drawn to a close. ‘Fullstop’. And yet i’d achieved nothing…nothing at all. Those who may stumble across my miserable/ horrific eng blog may find it kinda weird for my life after A’lvl to be such bother (apart form the fact that u actually read this entry all this way). The fact being that i did not really do well and many possibly end up in the crack of the education system. Meaning that i may not be able to return to sch to retake my A’s as a school candidate as i most likely will be able to pass my gp and thus unable to enter university as i will not meet the criteria for admission and ending up as a private candidate. For someone who cannot be disciplined enough to self study inaddition to the insufficient amt of funds to provide for a tutor/resources, is total suicide sum immediate no future. Private uni would not be an option due to low finance hence the literal sense of ‘ End Of My Life’. With such… i believe all readers of my blog (if there is any) would now understand the plight i’m in as of many others who may end up in the same shoe.

Two months after A’level, two weeks of work life and slacking like a pig for as long as i can remember. My life has been a quicksand, a endless pit of dirt due to my laziness. Truth is that i actually despise my current life and myself for allowing it to continue in this miserable state. Damned…..even with the knowledge that i should cease such wasteful use of life and start to direct the energy of each precious heartbeat to a more meaningful and fruitful lifestyle. I Just can’t seem to draw forth the power and will to put an end to the vicious cycle of laziness. In addition, gudgement day for all below or at 19 will soon shadow the hopes of many in days to come. I shall soon too befall in the hands of two murderers, Math and Geo. My days are numbered, shall I continue to wedge my blade and fight? Perhaps…..No!………I MUST! For those i care, my family, those that are having so much hope in me to attain the future and dream i posses! I shall once again hold my sword against the unknown future, to battle, conquer and continue to pave a road…… a step at a time.

To be continued……….

This is a poem written by a teenager with cancer.

Slow Dance
Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done!
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You’d better slow down
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Ever told your child,
We’ll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"
You’d better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift….
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

The JC2 life is real stressful! i’m dropping lotz of hair! OMG! too stressed liao. The grades i’m getting are off the chart man, i mean they are so bad that they are not even listed. haiz… i’m trying real hard to improve and yap, my sweat and blood are not wasted. I’m starting to pass all my tests and planned to ace my coming block test after the march holis. Muahahaha! I was really depressed lately due to ppl around me commenting that i wasn’t working hard enough despite me daily struggle with hmwk. i really was giving all my time, sweat and blood. I was really discouraged getting all those comments. The ironic part is that even my chem teacher look down on me, even jie ying noticed. I was so angry that i wanted to bash them up real bad enough to get them hospitalized for six months. Then i finally got up to my feet and decided to make all of them swallow all the awful things they said. My socks are now knee high and all geared up ready for battle. Muahahahahaha!

It’s been centuries since my last entry, yet time seemed to fly by so fast i hardly noticed a month was over. Many things happened and many things learned but there are also some incidents that is just a pain in the butt. Well, i managed to injure my right eye by loosing a piece of my cornia due to a scratch. The only fortunate thing in this very unfortunate incident would be that i wasn’t blind. i could still see with the injured eye. As i wiped my sweat off my forehead i exminated my eye and found out that the scratch actually missed the retina area by a little. THAT was real close. Despite my yearnin to satisfy my blog readers curiosity as to what actually happened however i’m too tramatised to describe in detail. The only little clue i may provide would be the miss gudgement of a tame creature by its cover.

The accident left my right eye useless for a couple of days as it was covered. The make shift eye patch was so prominant that where-ever i traveled and passed the common careing question would follow. ” What happened to your eye?!” Followed by the pity and ’should not have done that’ look would suface after my brief explanation.

This however, let me realise that i do have a lot of caring friends around me and some that do not really take notice of my situation. Well, this incident also taught me to cherish my sight as the fear i experienced during the injury was real disturbing….mentally. The only drawback to this accident would be the addiction to eyedrops. (i just couldn’t stop using them….it’s developed into a daily process)

Well…enough of my crap and letz all proceed with life after leaving some comments for this entry ya? To all readers! thx for the support and care…muahahahahahahahahahahaha: the ultimate evil lives!

Juz took my block test earlier this year, it was reali depressing. There is vertually no chance for me to pass any paper. In addition to the fatal blow, my cca was combined with other science cca. The current club is named ‘The Science Club’. However it was rather comforting that other cca was oso involved in this mess. muahahaha! (kinda sadistic huh?) It kinda worried me a little knowing that the intake for Jc this year was rather low as this would greatly affect the cca recruitment as well.

Speaking of which i was kinda worried that my original cca (Bio Science Club) may not be able to mix well with the new club. Well that will be something i need to discuss with the other members yah? i was oso kinda sad that my days in the jc and the club will be ending very soon. about 20 weeks. Indeed my job in the cca was kinda tiring but to me it was reali worth it and fun. i was reali sad that two of the club members had lost their heart in the cca.

I worked reali hard to boost the cca moral, change their negative concept on the club and open up their hearts so they can feel free to be themselves and have fun. After this much time and work i’m oni half way there. Oni half. If i were given a little more time, juz a few more months. another term would be fine. The truth was i was really scared, reali scared that if i’m not elected for the new president, the new one may not be able to help me complete my dream. i was reli afraid. But after many thoughts, i knew that nomatter the outcome, i’ll stl have to support and believe in myself to continue fulfilling my dream, even if i’m not the president. It is kinda ironic to know that i didn’t have that much a confidence in myself and in my club members to believe that i will do better.

Maybe after this much time workin on encouraging people, i’ve totally forgotten in helping myself. Slowly and frequently i’ve lost believe in myself. i don’t really understand this feeling. Maybe i’m thinking too much ya? haha….guess i’ll still have to move on.

Came back from China a few weeks ago but i still have to mug for the coming block test next year. Why !? Why do schools have to torture students like so? It’s a miricle that students these days arn’t sticks and bones.(hmz….wonder if this is a good thing?)

The trip to china was really great! Met new friends and culture there. The best of it would be shopping! The stuff there are real affordable and really cheap. i should have brought more cash there. The food and toilet there are memorable…. Personally i think that either the cooking oils there are just dirt cheap or the country has just too much of it to spare. hahaha. The food there are just SWIMMING in oil and the steam eggs taste like water ( it’s as soggy as water anyway). Not to mention the quantity! omg…i think of it as having wedding dinner three times daily for 19 days. (geez!) I got really fat after the trip. (gotta do some work out soon) The toilets there are just depressing. i’ve seen ppl talking to friends doing their business in the OPPSITE cubicle.

Well, beside all this. I think that the best best best part of it would be getting to know my friends better (both ways).This may sound dull but it’s just a fact i can’t deny. Well, enough of my continuous bragging i shall end this here and may all who read this a merry christmas and a happy new year ahead.

Shengyi flying off…..